Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
