I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Life is so much better after having sex.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
