nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
im on a boat
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