Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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