And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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