His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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