Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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