I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
