Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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