Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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