Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
