She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Ladies don't puke and tell
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
