1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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