what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
