I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
