so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize