I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
