Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
