What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
