He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
