At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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