His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
