Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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