I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
