People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
