I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
