Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
