Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
