did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
