First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
