so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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