He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
