Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
