I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
