oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
