I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize