im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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