OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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