mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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