we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
