Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
