Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
