I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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