he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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