I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
