Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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