we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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