the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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