he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
