I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
