The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
