you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
