i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
