please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
