1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
