help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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