I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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