Soap is not a condiment
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
