Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize