We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
