your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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