her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
