Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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