He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
