Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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