I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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