I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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