Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
