I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
