I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
we should paint friendship bongs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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