Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
