final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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