Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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