that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
