She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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