I think I am morally bankrupt
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize