Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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