I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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