I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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