When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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