he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
