i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
