He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I want a musical about memes.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
