well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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