He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
