my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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